Don’t Grieve Too Long

Don’t grieve too long for now I’m free. I’m following the path God set for me.

I ran to Him when I heard His call, I wagged my tail and left it all.

I could not stay another day, to bark, to love, to romp or play

Games left unplayed must stay that way. I found such peace it made my day.

My parting has left you with a void, so fill it with your remembered joy

A friendship shared, your laugh, a kiss; Oh, yes these things I too shall miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow, I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life’s been full, you’ve given so much – Your time, your love and gentle touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all to brief, don’t lengthen it now with undue grief

Lift up your heart and share with me. God wanted me now, He set me free.

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Kenji, You Silly Dog

Kenji, December 6, 2009 – March 28, 2014


Common misconception about Rottweilers is that this breed is designed to kill. Many people fear rotties and think of them as monsters. We initially thought the same too, so we took one with us so it can guard our home. Little did we know that the puppy we took home would act like a puppy forever.

Rottweilers are intelligent, powerful, strong and agile dogs but ours was a big baby too. Kenji could sit, lay down, shake hands, shake the other hand, and high five on command but he acted like a big cuddly bear and demanded hugs and kisses from us. ‘KSP ka talaga, Kenji!’, my mom would always say to him.

As a puppy I always placed him on my lap, and even when he grew up to 40-kg he still kept trying to climb onto me while clumsily stepping on my toes. It was always painful for me whenever that happened. In his early years I snuck him up to my room a lot until his steps got heavier and we could no longer hide the sound of it from my parents. He was prohibited to go up to the second floor from then on. Or so we thought. In the last year that I was in Sydney I found out that he would go missing inside and outside the house. Apparently he would sneak up to the second floor and stay outside my room as if waiting for me to come home. Silly dog, you knew it would take a while.

Sometime when he was around 2 years old, we found out he’s not too fond of seeing other Rottweilers in the house. He scratched our black car when he saw a reflection of himself on it. Silly dog, can’t you tell that’s a reflection of yourself?

Last Monday I found out he was sick, and promised to myself that I would visit him when my semester ends in June. Today I found out Kenji passed away without waiting for me. Silly dog, I guess you were just too eager to play with all the tennis balls, bark at your own shadow and meet new friends.

Silly dog, I miss you so much and while it not easy for us to accept, I know you’re having a blast up there. Rest in peace, baby boy.

P.S. I’m sorry I didn’t get to find you a girlfriend, those bitches would have fought over your damn good looks! But who cares right? You didn’t have time for them, you were too busy enjoying and living your life.

P.P.S I know you’re really daddy’s dog and my bratty Shih-Tzu Bishi wouldn’t be happy if he hears this, but ever since you came home with us.. you’ve been my favourite. ♥


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Is It Worth It?

I’m now on my second year in Sydney and somehow I’ve been finding it so much harder than Year 1.

With Kenji now having kidney failure and him confined at the vet for the past 2 days, I can’t help but feel helpless. It might sound silly to some people but if anything happens to Kenji while I’m here, I think I might just lose it. The current situation is hard enough to deal with, and I’ve been crying on and off since last night. I would fly home to see him if I could, but with uni and work it’s not so easy.

Somehow I feel that living here has trapped me and prevented me from making life decisions I would normally make. Since when did setting life goals feel so suffocating? In the end, will it all even be worth it?

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Trust in His Process

Coming to Oz, I had no clear idea of how long I would be staying here. I had goals I wanted to achieve, but how I planned to achieve them I had no exact plan.

After two semesters and 2/3 of my master’s degree completed, I now have to think about getting closer to my goals and planning my life carefully. Last week I’ve asked for a 457 Visa from my employer. If she agrees to it, I get to work full time and stay for 2 years. After 2 years, I can then apply for my PR. I’m being optimistic about it that she will, but otherwise I will only have 6 months to figure something out and try other options. At this point, I don’t think I want to extend my studies any longer and spend another AUD$10,000 for a semester. I’ve already spent AUD$30,000 for my degree, which is a lot especially in Peso.

Over the past few months I have been stressing about the possibility of having to go back home next year if things don’t work out for me here. This stress has given me countless sleepless nights and anxiety attacks, that at this point, I’m really just over it. 

My parents applied to migrate to Oz 20 years ago but God ended up having other plans for them with the business, and they didn’t go through with the application. This time it’s my turn to apply, but whatever comes out of this I now leave up to Him. I’ve learned to have a shift in perspective about my time in Sydney. If I get to stay and achieve the things I wanted to achieve, well and good, this is what He wants for me. If I end up having to go home, I leave Sydney with a master’s degree, experiences, memories, and a new world view. It can only mean that He has even greater plans for me back home.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.  -Proverbs 3:5-6

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Spirituality and Religion

I was born into a devout Protestant family, but growing up I was never a Bible-toting, verse-quoting type of person. Maybe it was because of my attending a Catholic school or because my family was doing more than enough of those for me.

 Last year I dabbled into philosophy and spirituality, reading about Buddhism and Hindu philosophy. At first I was worried about losing my religion and concerned that once I go further, I would be comfortable with spirituality and stop practising my religion. I suppose this is where the saying “God moves in mysterious ways” holds true. I found that it was right after this time of curiosity and exploration that I found myself unexpectedly drawn deeper into my faith. Sometimes you need to get lost to find yourself.

 Perhaps it’s part of moving to a new country and new city with unfamiliar surroundings, but I find myself having more quiet moments to myself where I start off with running thoughts in my head and eventually turn these thoughts into conversations with God.

 I suppose what people confuse about spirituality is its supposed acceptance of many gods and deities and not having one God. Instead my understanding of spirituality is knowing about different religions and philosophies, respecting and understanding their respective practices, all while staying rooted and knowing who your God is. 

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My Thoughts on Haiyan

I was never a patriotic one, in fact I’m guilty of voicing out my pseudo expert opinion once or twice, but moving overseas has made me rethink my perspective about my own country. In an international community where hardly anyone cares about the Philippines, I find myself blowing our trumpet even more just to prove that we too, have a voice. 

It’s disappointing to see Filipinos slamming and shaming our government publicly for the whole world to see. Instead of showing everyone the spirit of ‘bayanihan’, we take to social media and feed the world with what they already think of us: that our poor third world country has nothing but corrupt and inept government officials and that basically, that’s how it will always be.

There are always three sides to a story. In this case, it’s the government’s, media’s, and the truth. Before making a claim about something, think about how much you truly know about the current situation from all the different angles.

Criticise if you must, but do it behind closed doors. 

And when you decide to point your finger at the government, remember that you have three fingers pointing back at yourself. What are you doing in light of all this?

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The Year I Turn 25

This year, I turn 25. It’s the first time I’m celebrating my birthday overseas, the first time I won’t have my parents with me, and my first birthday in Sydney.

I guess you could say it’s timely that all these things take place when I’m about to hit quarter of a century, and along with this milestone come other thoughts and emotions.

It causes me to pause and reflect about where I am in life right now. Am I on the right path? Am I headed towards the place I want to go? Have I been slacking off, and should I be working harder to get to where I want to be? Or should I cut myself some slack, and enjoy this part of the journey while I’m still young?

Often times I find that I still have to pinch myself to believe that I’m actually here right now. It’s hard to be away from my parents and it’s something I carry with me at the back of my mind every single day.

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